the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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