Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
