I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
