If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
