the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
