I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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