i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
