How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
