at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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