dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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