You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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