im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
