Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
