the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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