He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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