I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
