Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
