Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
