first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
