I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
