then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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