Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
