And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
