Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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