My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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