did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
