UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize