I have demons in me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
