Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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