I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
