So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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