i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
