There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
