yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
