I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize