Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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