i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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