yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
