Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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