apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
