I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
