I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
