I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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