After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
