i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
