I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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