do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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