So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
