What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
