Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
