i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
