4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was like eating out sand paper
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
