Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize