I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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