Don't make out with my wife yet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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