After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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