Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
