doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
