So drunk its hurt
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
