Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
