in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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