I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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