just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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