I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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