I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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