I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
