so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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