dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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