Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
