she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
