Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
