Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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